1. I need some space!!!
2. I’ll elaborate on no 1.. I literally have no minutes from opening to shutting my eyes when there’s not someone or something (cat) needing me.
3. I’ll elaborate on no 2.. ‘bedtime’ seems to be akin to a greek myth or legend. We’ve heard of it, can’t really remember the gist of it, and are not really sure what it’s about. More specifically, this is my girls’ understanding of the term. To me, it’s a fond memory in the near distance. A bit like believing in Santa.
4. No matter what we do or where we go, apparently all I ever do is work. Really?! I seem to remember a time when I had to pay people to take them to the beach (that sounds dramatic.. I mean they were with a childminder/nursery who did fun things whilst I worked in a glass box which had the windows sealed shut in case we jumped). No, I’ve told the girls that when they have to get up at 7 in the summer to go to nursery so I can get TO WORK, that’s when I’m ALWAYS WORKING..
5. When they’re at school it’ll surely mean that I will be done with the endless stationery, shoes, PE kit, uniform, random bits that I seem to be buying. Especially stationery… But, they’re my kids so I’m allowing that one. We have some of everything. It will be lost/lent/broken in days and that’s an excuse (reason) to buy more. They’re costing me a fortune in preparing for school.
6. I’m tired. So tired.
7. It’s hard to please kids with such an age gap. We didn’t plan this gap, but it’s there. At certain points it’s been less significant, but it’s a fair gap, especially on wet days. Indoor activities rarely span this gap well. (Ideas on a postcard please). We love outdoors but admittedly this year haven’t done as much as I’d hoped, due in some part to breaking my bum (sorry.. my tailbone). Agony is the only word for it. We love adventure, we love nature, we love fresh air and imagination. All that is tough when I feel as though everything might fall out with each step, but we’ve tried our best.
8. Its hard to ‘work from home’ when you’re supposed to be all things to all people all of the time. I’ve loads of exciting things on my many to do lists and I just can’t get at them as my time comes last on the list. That’s ok.. But it’s frustrating when I’m champing at the bit to move things along with my work. I’ve got great ideas for the business world, for the education sector, for parents. I’ve some collaborative work planned with some exciting new partners and most of all I want to get admin done. Like properly done. Like all over the table in piles, folders with labels and brightly coloured box files… At present those papers would be stuck to jam, or be drawn on.. I’d also like to be able to make a work phone call without having to lock one child outside (on the trampoline) and ensure the other has headphones in upstairs.. everything takes so much planning! And whilst my children are not demanding, they just do not understand the international hand signals for ‘get out/be quiet please.. I’m on the phone’.
9. Quiet. There will be occasional quiet in september. I hope. I’ve got so much in my head that by the time it gets to bedtime (what is that?), noise can tip me over the edge. Unfortunately my patience is like thin ice past that mythological point of the day and I become demon mum. Sorry kids… xx
10. I want a tidy house! Sometimes I pick all the pruck up and set it on the stairs in the vain hope that the offender will take it up with them the next time they pass. This is not a good plan (see broken bum reference above..). No honestly I didn’t trip on anything, I just lost my step, but I’d secretly love to be able to blame barbies as maybe then they’d take them upstairs? It is simply amazing how much stuff Lucy can bring downstairs each day then leave outside at the trampoline/in the car/ in the kitchen or living room. That last phrase was not suffixed by ‘delete as appropriate’ as she fills all of those spaces each day. I aspire to a routine where I cheerfully kiss the cherubs goodbye, nip home (alone in the car – bliss!), clean the kitchen, spend 20 min making beds, cleaning the bathroom and running the Hoover round before being able to start work at 9.30 at a tidy desk, make phone calls when I want and be able to concentrate!!
Then I’ll miss them.
Lucy got upset last night as she realised she’ll be in school until 3pm for the first time and will only be home for about 45 minutes before Amy. She is a suck really and she eloquently described how it made her feel to be with me by herself.
I got a bit teary myself then..
I’ve loved the lack of routine, the late nights prioritising fun, sweaty tired children, impromptu adventures, meetings loads of friends, eating too much ice cream, realising how grown up they are getting when they’re mature enough to do new things each year, sitting round a fire built in a washing machine drum, drinking cider and toasting marshmallows, the pride I’ve felt at the challenges they’ve given themselves this summer and the hundreds of photos of smiley children in many many fun places.
I’ll miss a wee hand in mine, company, last minute adventures and the delight in little things.
But not right away.